Thursday 19 March 2015

Mother's Day... again

Yes, its that time of year - the one many adoptive parents dread the most - Mother's Day....

Well, dread is a pretty strong word, but we have had some pretty poor experiences in the past - you only have to look at the blog post from last year, "Happy Gay Dad's Day' to know why we were a little worried this year. It's on the list to the right and generated a lot of response.

TJ's school teacher however, gave me a quick call to let me know what they were doing this year and to make sure it was okay with us.

Except she called at 7am!

"Is it too early?" she asked. "No," I lied, still brushing my teeth.

Anyway, she went on to tell me that TJ had made a card in pink with flowers but rather than giving it to us he was going to give it to his Granny - "Was that ok?" she asked. "Absolutely fine," I replied.

In a way the school being extra careful is such a relief. No unpleasant surprises this year.

But then TJ came home from school. 'What did my Mum look like?" he asked. I resisted the urge to correct him and say birth mum but instead told him we could get out his life story book and find a picture of her if he liked. (Or we could look on Facebook where he could see her in her drunken glory partying with her mates - I opted for the life story book.)

In the past I have always edited the book as I read it to him. Omitting the bits that might be difficult for him to hear or would require further explanation - particularly over her treatment of his brother.

But now he can read - yes, school have been doing a good job and he is coming along nicely. Unfortunately, that meant he could also read the bits I was trying to skip, which then led onto a long chat about many of the meanings of the words used. But we got there and by the end of it he was just sitting quietly, snuggled up under my arm.

"I don't know why I have to be grateful for her?" he suddenly said, referring to the mother's day 'gratitude' assembly that was coming up.

"Well, I'm grateful to her," I replied, "Because without her I wouldn't have you."

He smiled and then skipped off to play lego. As he ran down the stairs he shouted up, "I've made a mother's day present for Granny this year - I didn't do anything for you, sorry."

I smiled back at him. "I don't mind," I said, "Just do double on Father's Day okay?"

4 comments:

  1. I remember that moment when you can no longer omit bits of life story work because they can now read! Seems like Mothers day created some healthy interest which you dealt with really well. Good luck with the double fathers day gifts. Thanks for sharing on #WASO

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  2. I remember that moment when you can no longer omit bits of life story work because they can now read! Seems like Mothers day created some healthy interest which you dealt with really well. Good luck with the double fathers day gifts. Thanks for sharing on #WASO

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  3. Buddy has told me his Mom is just "some woman" and asked why we even bother talking about her. I have told him the same thing, that she isn't just some woman to me because without her I wouldn't have him. It's so complicated in so many ways! Thanks for sharing, I hope Granny liked the card!

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  4. I guess as adopters we are always on guard for these types of questions - its part of the remit I think. Granny loved the card although by the time it got to her all the flowers had fallen off and it was just three stalks in a pink vase. :>

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