Sunday, 23 April 2017

Home Again?

When we arrived back in the UK, KC asked me if Singapore was our home or whether the UK was.

I asked him why he felt the need to ask it, and was quite surprised by his answer.

"It's simple,' he said, 'You always say that one is where we are - where the family are. So for Papa home must be where his family are. That means that home for Papa must be Singapore and...' he went on, 'you both know so many people over there - whenever we go we just meet loads of your friends and have loads of dinners and you drink lots of wine (I'm not sure where he got that last bit from) and we sit and smile and play on our phones."

"So you didn't enjoy it then?" I said.

"I enjoyed it,' he replied, "I love Singapore - I love the food and the warmth and the swimming and the tv... I don't really love the shopping though and I don't like leaving, because it means going on a long flight and I've seen all the movies on the way back..."

'Do you want to live there?" I asked him.

"Maybe, but only if I could live with Cousin M. and Grandma and Grandpa - they let me do what I want."

Hmmmmm... Well, I guess thats part of the joy of being Grandparents - you can let the grandkids run riot an then give them back. I didn't want to remind him that his cousin will be returning to university next week and won't be there anyway.

Family is big for KC. It means a lot to him.

TJ then came in. 'Did you enjoy Singapore?" I asked him.

"No,' he replied, "I hate the food, it's too hot and you just make us go shopping. I also don't have my playstation and I couldn't see my friends."

"What about seeing the rest of the family,' I said, "and your Godparents?"

"That was alright," he replied, "But don't you think they could all come and see us next time?"

So we have one traveller and one home body... which, strangely enough, reminded me of myself and my own brother. I have always had itchy feet and my brother has never left the North, but I think we are both happy, we just accept we are different.

Hopefully, the boys will see that as well.

Yesterday, on the radio the song 'Hello, Goodbye' by The Beatles came on. KC was singing along. "You know this song?" I asked him. He looked at me, "Don't you remember, it was the song that was playing in the car when you picked us up for the first time from our foster home."

I had forgotten.

"You've got a great memory," i said.

"Well, it's one of my favourite songs, " he said as he left the room.

It's moments like that that make parenting worthwhile...

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Tango in Singapore

It's been an interesting few days here in Singapore.

We arrived on Monday night to be told that even though we had just got off the plane we then had to attend Papa's dad's birthday party.

"But his birthday is not until tomorrow," Papa exclaimed.

"Yes, but tomorrow is Qingming (the day that traditionally celebrates the dead), and there is no way that we are celebrating Dad's birthday then!" So said Papa's mum - so we were now hurriedly racing down the highway to get checked in to our apartment before heading over for the birthday celebration. Luckily, the celebration was lovely, a quiet family affair wth Papa's mum's amazing cooking. So even though we had a dreadful flight, (that's a separate email to BA) the meal more than made up for it.

We are here to help to promote the play 'Tango', which is based on this very blog - and it has already met with some confusion. A newspaper report that ran on our day of arrival wrongly linked the play to the book 'Tango Makes Three' about the same-sex penguins who raise a penguin chick (its a true story and is used a lot to show the diverse nature of family) the book caused some controversy here in Singapore and ended up being removed from the National Library - but we are not here to discuss that and the play doesn't set out to criticise the political establishment - rather its aim is to help people realise that families are diverse, whether they be same sex, single, adopted, living with relatives etc... Ideally, although the play is primarily about a gay couple and their difficulty in coming home to Singapore, it also looks at the concept of family and filial relationships. The idea that the grandparents and the grandchild cannot be together due to the current legal situation surrounding families that are considered 'different' in Singapore. Mind you the fact that the first publicity shots show the young man playing the son dressed in a penguin suit might have confused the issue...

I don't want to give away the plot, but the premise of the story is true and one that can be read here in this blog (you just need to go back a few pages)...

We have worked alongside the playwright, Joel Tan, to work on the reality of being an adoptive family - be it same sex or not. The struggles to even become a family, let alone the trials that follow. However, Joel has definitely made the remainder of the play his own - one must always remember it is a fictionalised account of reality (if that makes sense)

So we are now booked to do a variety of press and media events, as well as talk about the issues we face being parents - ideally we want to show that being same sex parents is no different to being heterosexual ones - we all have the same difficulties and joys.

I'll keep you posted!!!!!!

But if you are in Singapore between May 19 and June 4 and want to come along then the link is below - we hope to see you there!!!!!