Friday 17 January 2014

Stay at Home...

It sounds like a dream come true I'm sure - the idea of being a stay at home parent - especially a stay at home Dad.. but believe me the novelty wears off very quickly...

It's taken me a while to admit to this but I actually don't really like being a stay at home Dad - or I didn't. I've learned to like it and to accept my role in the family but that took a while.

I'll go back to the beginning...

When we first decided to adopt the idea was that I would work from home, I ran a successful branch of a large arts education company with 14 employees. I would therefore, take more of a managerial role and only have to work during the school term time and primarily during school hours. It all seemed like an ideal plan. The social workers liked it, I liked it, Papa liked it - everyone liked it... unfortunately no-one told the kids that they should like it too.

Our boys came to us from a very traumatised background, as most children from the care system do, but they needed someone constantly, they needed me in school when things went wrong, they needed me for therapy trips, they needed me for hospital trips, they needed me when school got too upsetting for them or when they were simply having a bad day where they found coping with a new family difficult.

It soon became apparent that I simply couldn't work anymore. My business was slowly falling apart, employees were leaving to set up by themselves and I decided to sell up whilst there was still a viable business to sell.

So I did...

Then I became a stay at home Dad...

And stayed at home...

Papa wasn't happy as he felt he was the one left to pick up all the bills - he is paying for everything now and getting little in return - at one time there was nothing but stress from everyone and I could see why he didn't think this was a pretty good deal.

I was stressed because I no longer had a purpose. I was now completely beholden to Papa for everything - I couldn't even go for a coffee without asking for money.

The kids were stressed as they were dealing with their past trauma, settling in, a new family - so much for two little boys...

But we got through it.

I came to the realisation the other day that this is my role for now. Writing has helped, blogging has helped, getting the book together has helped and now its a new year and I have to stop punishing myself for being a stay at home Dad.

I miss adult conversation that isn't about children.

When Papa comes home we sit and chat and then he will say "Do we have to talk about the kids!" and I sit there and think, "Well I've got nothing else to talk about really..." But at least we then have a quiet meal...

But thats ok - I can listen to his day and be jealous of his adult life because I know one day I will get my 'adult' life back - so I shall enjoy my children, my partner and yes... enjoy the life I have now.


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